10 Things I Learnt from Fences (The Film) (2024)

10 Things I Learnt from Fences (The Film) (1)

This was supposed to be a short piece but this film resonated with me deeper than I thought. Featuring two of my all time favourites, Fences is a phenomenally striking film that I think everyone should see. As I am always inspired by great art, here is my piece on the lessons I learnt from Fences;

1. Emptying yourself into another person at the expense of your dreams does not guarantee their love and devotion to you. You will be empty and they will be full of you whilst still flourishing in themselves. Learn to reciprocate the energy you are handed. Do not keep digging holes for someone who will not lift a finger for you. You will then be scrambling for pieces of yourself but THEY would have built a mansion on your back with pieces of the both of you. You will be bereft. They will be safe.

ALWAYS CHOOSE YOU.

Now, especially for ladies, beware of men that are fine to enjoy all your labour, never caring about your own dreams and aspirations. Rose poured herself into that man and that home for 18 years and he had no problems pouring himself into another woman until she bore his seed (whom she still later had to raise), so save yourself the stress and learn to always choose you.

2. Let go of failed dreams. Troy held on to his lost dreams of playing baseball and the bitterness of a missed opportunity seeped into every conversation, every story and ultimately in the raising of his son. I even think that his holding on to that thing was part of what led to him always seeking for something outside. He felt like his life was crap just because of that one thing. As hard as it may be, I believe that if for whatever reason, we miss a great opportunity, we must forge ahead and make the best of what we have. Being resentful and spreading that resentment to those we love will always do more harm than good and will also not improve your quality of life, so why do it?

3. Cultivate good friendships. Bono was one of the best parts of Troy’s life. They met when he was in jail for murder and even when they were both released, they continued being good friends. I think Bono was a very important type of friend that everyone needs. The one not afraid to call you out on your bullshit. Not a yes-man. Bono sternly warned Troy against sleeping with Alberta and running his family. He refused and even after, the film portrays a change in their relationship, a growing distance. Make good friends, listen to them, especially when they are calling out your crap.

4. Follow your dreams. Corny innit? Maybe I should say fight for your dreams. And when this is not an option, make the next best choice. Never ruin your life because another person is trying so hard to do so. Troy refused to sign his son’s (Cory) form to go to college and play football. He later became a Marine whilst still despising his father. The point is that he didn’t ruin his life with drugs or remaining unemployed or becoming a layabout. He made the best of an unfortunate situation. A skill I believe we should all learn.

5. Parenting is more than money. We’re all pretty young now but soon we’ll be raising our own kids (if that’s what you want) and I think it’s so important for people to know this. Because you put a roof over your child’s head and food in their belly, this does not mean that you should neglect their emotional, mental and psychological well-being. In the movie, there’s a scene where Troy’s frustrated son asks his father ‘why he don’t like him’. To this, Troy replies that there is no law that states that he must love him, only that he has a duty to him, to be responsible for him and give him the basic needs of life. All these ‘tough love’ approaches do more harm than good because children should always feel loved by their parents. They should not feel like a mere responsibility. So as future parents, we must work hard to cater to ALL our babies’ needs, surrounding them with visible unconditional love.

6. Respect is not the same as fear. Love is the greatest of the three.

7. You cannot outrun the consequences of your actions. They will always catch up to you.

8. Buy your own house.

9. Take care of the vulnerable in society. Gabe (Troy’s baby bro) was mentally ill after an accident when he was a soldier in The War. Because of this, he became delusional and was always having crazy visions. I believe Troy was ashamed of him but Rose would always offer to feed him, listen to him and entertain him. In a society like ours where there is such a stigma concerning mental health, it is encouraged that we learn to be kind to them and help in any way we can. At Troy’s funeral at the end, Gabe played his trumpets and a light shone down on them, it was a beautiful scene to show that sometimes those we think can’t do anything are the most magical among us.

10. DO NOT CHEAT ON YOUR GADDEM WIFE!

And this is specifically for the mens.

Men who believe that because they bring home money, that because they are the head of the house, therefore they can do whatever they like, especially to their wives.

As if they are the only ones who feel neglected and bored, wanting a taste of life. What they do not realise is that they do not own the monopoly on stepping out. And by doing so, they intentionally suggest that their wives are inadequate, not sexy, not enough. Whereas, the women are never at fault, you can never be enough for a bottomless pit of a man.

This is why we must all strive to achieve financial independence for women. So that they can safeguard their minds and bodies by leaving environments that are unhealthy for them. Rose would never have stayed if she had an option but Troy kept her in the house, washing clothes and making food. She never explored any professional or craft potential. He all but tied her feet and when she needed to run, she couldn’t.

While we achieve this wonderful feat, STOP CHEATING ON YOUR WIVES.

Keep your fucking pants zipped.

Be disciplined.

This is the greatest lesson.

10 Things I Learnt from Fences (The Film) (2024)
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